Arthritis Foundation Forum / Arthritis / Dating with Arthritis

Young & Discouraged

Ricardo2057 — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 16:00:18 GMT

I'm 17 and have been diagnosed with RA just 2months ago and am dealing with many problmes, one of which happens to be dating...I go about my life but when i find someone i like, I dont have enough courage to ask her out since I dont see how anyone at my age would except a young man who looks normal, but is physically weak.And now i fear no one would except a male who is physically weak as i know most women like to know they are protected by the man their with, but how can i protect someone knowing they are stronger than me just because i am limted by RA? Can anyone else relate to this? I feel alone here since most of the success stories I have read are from women in their middle ages. I guess what I need is someone to talk to since I have no one else to turn to.

Engaged with Arthritis--Insurance Hell

Danielle Scholbrock — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:51:54 GMT

My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage and we're struggling with some of the practical details that have come up surrounding the topic and my health insurance. He's a great guy and understand the whole RA situation better than anyone ever has (outside of family that has seen it every moment of every day from beginning to end), and emotionally I'm not concerned about it getting in the way. However, we are concerned about insurance and the mess that we could end up in if we get married and can no longer afford my treatments.

I'm on several pricey treatment regimens (all of which are very necessary so that I can function in every day life) and am currently covered under my mother's insurance plan as a full-time student. I intend to continue on into grad school and I will be covered under her insurance if I do at least until I'm 24...if I'm unmarried. Though the two of us are not planning on rushing to the altar any time soon and both intend to wait AT LEAST until after we complete our undergrads, I am concerned that we will be unable to afford health insurance once I am dropped from my mother's plan (be that when I'm 24 or earlier if we decide to get married sooner), particularly since BOTH of us intend to pursue grad studies.

I guess I'm looking for advice or experience stories on a few things here. Emotionally speaking, how do you cope, as a couple, with the financial burden of a preexisting condition as pricey and long-term as Rheumatoid arthritis when you know you can't function if you don't have the treatments? We will most likely have to postpone our wedding as long as possible since neither of us can afford my health care. That's not an easy thing to swallow. Especially when he so badly wants to be able to provide for his future family. It's hard to deal with the fact that our situation isn't "normal" and I don't really know what comfort I can offer as an explanation. I don't have a problem putting off the wedding since it seems so necessary, but I'm even worried that neither of us will be done with grad school and on employer's insurance when I'm 24, which brings up the second question...

Financially/practically speaking, has anyone else struggled or had success finding independent insurance with a similar preexisting condition? Am I freaking out about nothing? Is it possible to find affordable insurance that will cover the treatments?

I know it seems really early to be considering these things and I feel very selfish putting all this focus on my own health within a relationship, but this is a huge concern for me and I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has encountered it and can offer some peace-of-mind.

Thanks everyone,
Danielle

help is near

pat bernard — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:00:46 GMT

I found this pharmacy online best service and prices you should try them the lady was extremely helpful. http://www.247expressmeds.com/

RA and single

Lawrence — Sat, 14 Aug 2004 05:29:20 GMT

Hello my name is Lawrence I am 38 years old ,divorced w/ 3 children whom do not live w/me. I have been diagnosed w/RA for 24 yrs and counting. I have been blessed with three wonderful children and ton of wonderful moments and memories. That is the good part , now I find myself alone with only the pain, deformation and nodgules to reflect upon. How does one with RA in todays society return to the dating scene? Can a woman find a man with what once were strong hands ,but now are crippled and disfigured attractive? Or am I left to waste in the RA landfill. I am still capable of loveing compassionately and fervantly. So why does it seem to be such a daunting and impossible task to date with arthitis? This my fello RA suffers is by far the hardest part of my living with this cruel disease. I can laugh at pain that would crush a heathly man, or deal with the flood of emotions that come with the thought that my condition will only get worse and is ireversable. But to have to return to the dating scene scares the hell out of me. I just dont know where I will find the courage or the confidence it will take to date *"?%#%. Is there still a possibility that there is someone out there with whom I can love and spend the rest of my RA days with?

Is it fair to our loved ones?

katherineN — Wed, 30 Jun 2004 12:53:04 GMT

I am dating the most wonderful guy in the world. He and I have talked about getting married soon but I just don't know if I can sadle him with my disease and the ramifications of it. He doesn't care and says he would carry me on his shoulders if he had to but I just don't know. I can't imagine spending my life without him though. Does anyone else feel this way?

Feel Alone

Lindsey310 — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 16:51:35 GMT

I am 21 and have been in a semi-serious relationship for three and a half years up until the past few weeks when it all has fallen apart. There is a chance we may fix things but i dont know. There is not a doubt in my mind that i am in love with him and i want to be with him. I feel like i have lost control over everything in my life. I accepted the fact that I couldnt control my health years ago but now i feel truly helpless. And on top of it all i am in the middle of a flare up which is making every inch of my body hurt. I am trying to get through this, part of me is scared that I will never find another guy who accepts me for me and be there to take me to get cortisone injections or remicade infusions... I love him, my heart is broken, my body hurts... i am so overwhelmed.

RA / College Scholarships

Sandra267 — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 15:05:39 GMT

Has anyone heard of any college scholarships specifically for students with RA?

dont be discouraged :)

Jeannette123 — Tue, 25 Oct 2005 15:02:05 GMT

This is a special message to all of you who are dealing with a medical issue and are struggling with dating issues.

I'll call myself, Hannah, as it is the Hebrew translation of my name. I'm a healthy young woman of 42, and yes, thats young, lol.

There is a very nice man, lets call him "Tom" , and Tom has arthritis.

Tom has a generous heart. I've learned this by how he gives of himself to others. His hobby causes him to be involved with numerous people on a daily basis. He's ready to offer a kind word, his time, and even his money. I know he lives with pain, and that makes him all the more special.

He is funny, as well, and might be considered a bit of a flirt, if he wasent such a gentleman.

For me, this is just a budding friendship. If he and I remain on a friendship level, that would be just fine, a man like him is a friend worth investing in.

Let me tell you all, though, if someday, this budding friendship should grow into something more personal - I would be very pleased.

In 1998 - I had been diagonosed with a medical condtion which caused me to be an invalid for the next few years. It was a heartbreaking time, and a learning time. I learned alot about life, and people. People I thought were friends went away, and other kinder and giving people found there way into my life. I also lived with pain and sometimes alot of embarassement (long periods in the washroom). Two frequently heard phrases were: Oh God, please make the pain stop or Oh God, please make the bleeding stop.

Now I'm well, and lookie look, theres Tom, lol.

Okay, so I understand pain from a front row perspective, but still...I know my own heart.

It wouldent matter to me, if a person was ill - in any way. I am intelligent enough to see the value of a mans heart. I value character traits such as integrity, and compassion. I look for a sense of humour, as best as can be when living with chronic pain. A little cranky (or alot) is understandable - and part of the package. This is life, it isnt always pain free, but its life and worth living.

Let me tell you, if I am this way, others are too, you just haven't met them yet. So - be encouraged, there are other "Hannahs" out there, and just as pretty as I am too. (wink)

Looking for a single travel companion

Janet1960 — Mon, 10 Oct 2005 17:12:15 GMT

Hello
My name is Janet and I have had RA since I was 17. I am now 45 and very interested in travel but would love to find someone single that would like to travel to Europe. I went to the UK in July with my niece but with her being 25 we just don't have the same interests. It was great but would be better with someone closer to my age and someone with the same abilities. I am from Montreal but I am hoping that will not matter to anyone since with the internet the world is such a smaller place.
If anyone at all is interested please e-mail me @ mistify60@hotmail.com
Take care and keep smiling!
Janet

Dating

frizzy — Sun, 10 Oct 2004 12:50:38 GMT

Was wondering if there were any GLBT individuals out there with RA/JRA who could share with me some of their experiences in disclosing their illness to their significant others . . . positive or negative . . . feel free to email me at frizzydoe@hotmail.com for privacy . . .

TO CHRIS182

KALEN — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 19:30:35 GMT

Dear Chris182,

Hi, how are you? I noticed that your comment was posted on 3/22/05 and now that's it's 8/2005, I hope that my comment finds you doing well. When I read your comment, I felt as if you were writing my thoughts exactly. I want you to know that you are not alone! I completely understand every aspect of what you're going through because I am going through the same exact things. I'm 19 years old and was diagnosed with JRA 3 years ago. I would love to talk more about this with you. Please write back whenever you get a chance! Thanks so much! I hope all is well. Talk to you soon. Don't worry and don't give up hope because it is all going to be alright :-)
-Kalen

Dating sites for those with challenges

LynetteLyn — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 02:00:16 GMT

I am a single woman in my 40's in Arizona whose had JRA since age 6. Here are some of the dating sites I have located for people wiht different challenges.

http://www.icanonline.net/

http://lovebyrd.com/

http://members.ozemail.com.au/~pacetrav/

http://www.hfriends.com/

http://www.disabledunited.com/

http://www.alumnus.addr.com/cgi-bin/ematch38/index38.cgi

http://whispers4u.com/

Helping S.O.'s understand and cope with RA

SupaGimp — Wed, 09 Mar 2005 02:07:34 GMT

I was diagnosed with JRA at 16, after years of treatment for what my doctor called "regular arthritis" aka osteo-arthritis. When I was diagnosed, I had been dating a guy in my school; at first he was very supportive, but as my bad days grew more frequent and the good ones scarce, he drifted away. I was confused, hurt and angry; to me, it had seemed as if he had just abandoned me in the middle of a life crisis. It wasn't until a year later when I met a man who had never imagined that an 18 year old girl would have any need for a cane that I realised there is a definate wrong way and right way of helping a signifigant other learn about and cope with your RA.

The first mistake that I realised I had been making was not fully explaining the limitations I live with. It's kind of like false advertising to talk about the things you used to be able to do without mentioning those that you can no longer do. For example, how's a person supposed to feel when they find out the hard way that you can't go skating with them because of your bad knee and ankle? My advice be upfront with a person once you feel that the relationship has potential.

Another bad move is being too proud and self-reliant. No one who cares about you is going to feel comfortable watching you painfully struggle with a task that you could easily handle with a little bit of their help. Trust me it was embarrassing the first time I had to ask my fiancee to help me brush my hair and dress myself, but it made him feel like he was easing my pain and showing how supportive he could be.

Finally, the biggest mistake that can doom a relationship like this: not understanding their point of view. It took a few hard lessons before I understood how hard it is for someone who doesn't live with RA to understand how it cann affect a person. Maybe your S.O. playfully grabs you affected limb and hurts you, or maybe they tend to bring home every topical pain reliever that they come across even thought it doesn't help. Instead of blowing up, sit them down and explain how you feel about what they're doing. Heck, it wasn't until a year into my relationship with my fiancee that I realised that I had never explained to him how I felt about others picking up my cane and playing with it; I had fell into the habit of just snatching it from him. Remember, how can they understand our problem if we don't teach them?

If anyone feels like they would like to talk on a more personal level, they can e-mail me at cheesyrichard@yahoo.com. I haven't met anyone locally who have been living with RA and who are under the age of 50.

FDA Asks Pfizer to Pull Bextra from the Market

AFChick — Thu, 07 Apr 2005 13:41:18 GMT

The FDA asks Pfizer, Inc. to withdraw Bextra from the market, going against the advisory boards recommendation that the Cox-2 selective stay on the market. Go to www.arthritis.org to read more. What do you think? How does this make you feel?

VIOXX removed from the market

AFChick — Thu, 30 Sep 2004 10:31:35 GMT

Merck & Co. Inc. announced today that it is removing VIOXX from the market. Refer the the Arthritis Foundation Home Page at www.arthritis.org for updates throughout the day. If you are taking VIOXX, please contact your physician to discuss alternative treatments.

What do you think about the recall?

Send a Valentine to the one you love

AFChick — Tue, 08 Feb 2005 15:19:41 GMT

Is there someone special in your life that loves you, helps you and cares for you no matter what? Let the world know what this person means to you by posting your Valentine to him or her today on the new Family and Friends Board below. http://www.arthritis.org/communitiesnew/Forum/replymsg.aspx?msgid=58670&status=none&msggroupid=13000&view=yes

Long-term NSAID use called into question

AFChick — Tue, 21 Dec 2004 11:42:36 GMT

Long-term NSAID use is called into question as the National Institutes of Health (NIH) halts an Alzheimer prevention study when people taking 220 mg of naproxen twice a day were found to have an increase in cardiovascular and cerebrovascular events. This on the heels of the bad news about cox-2 inhibitors and cardiovascular disease that caused Vioxx to be pulled from the market and direct-to-consumer advertising to be pulled for competitor Celebrex.

If you are using NSAIDs to manage your arthritis, you do have options for pain relief. You should not discontinue any drug regime without discussing your options with your doctor.

Look to the Arthritis Foundation home page (www.arthritis.org) for additional information.

Young Adults Joining Forces!!

Tatum — Fri, 05 Nov 2004 11:21:55 GMT

Hello All!

Like you, I too have Arthritis a very painful and frustrating disease. I am 31 years old and was diagnosed with RA a few years ago. Ugh! :-) I have been a little frustrated to find the lack of help geared towards the younger generation (age: 20-50) that have Arthritis. Much is geared towards the older generation because that is what society relates arthritis to.

I developed a site here in Utah for young adults because I was unfamiliar with the AF site (until yesterday). I am not trying to sway your alliegance, I just want to get the word out to YOUNG ADULTS who have ARTHRITIS, that we are NOT ALONE in this!! Which is one of the many purposes of my site.

A majority of our members have Rheumatoid Arthritis and I am sure we could all benefit from each others thoughts, ideas, stories, etc...

On my site you will find several other links that you might find useful as well as a TRACKING LOG (located in the "Files") that may help you find trends in your disease. I have put a sample of one months worth of my data so you can see how it works.

ALSO, CHECK OUT THE POLLS! It is very interesting to see what is going on with others that have the same disease.

Here is the Group Name and Address:
Young_Arthritis_Utah
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/young_arthritis_utah/

I hope you get a chance to check it out!

Take Care,
Karin

Dr. Klippel Answers Your Questions on CNN

AFChick — Wed, 06 Oct 2004 12:31:55 GMT

Arthritis Foundation President and CEO, John H. Klippel, MD, will answer questions about arthritis on CNN's "House Calls." The show tapes tomorrow and airs Saturday and Sunday at 8:30 a.m. You can submit questions now to be answered during taping tomorrow. Go to the AF Home Page -- www.arthritis.org -- for more info.

Medicare Drug Demo Deadline

Kristina — Tue, 31 Aug 2004 17:11:33 GMT

Space still available! Visit the advocacy section of www.arthritis.org to find out if you are eligible for enrollment in Medicare's demonstration project for self-injected biologics. Hurry - deadline is Sept. 30, 2004!