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Ricardo2057
Posted Sunday, October 30, 2005 4:00 PM


 

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:55 PM
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I'm 17 and have been diagnosed with RA just 2months ago and am dealing with many problmes, one of which happens to be dating...I go about my life but when i find someone i like, I dont have enough courage to ask her out since I dont see how anyone at my age would except a young man who looks normal, but is physically weak.And now i fear no one would except a male who is physically weak as i know most women like to know they are protected by the man their with, but how can i protect someone knowing they are stronger than me just because i am limted by RA? Can anyone else relate to this? I feel alone here since most of the success stories I have read are from women in their middle ages. I guess what I need is someone to talk to since I have no one else to turn to.
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Stephanie86
Posted Saturday, November 05, 2005 2:06 AM


 

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Hey Ricardo,
I'm 20 and have had JRA since I was about four. I really can't relate to the strength issue since a)I'm not a guy and b)I tend to view my strengths as things other than physical since I've been limited physically in varying degrees for quite some time now. However, I can relate to the loneliness thing and maybe even the confidence a little too. I live in a hall with fifty other women, and it seems like one of them gets engaged every week. Two of my roommates are engaged and the other is as good as engaged, and I have yet to go on a date in my entire college career. I didn't date in high school either (huge nerd...if a guy came to the house, it was to practice string quartets or to write a paper.) so I've had this "alone" thing down for awhile. My philosphy on this is, I'm still young (and so are you!) and I have to be happy with myself before I can be happy with another person. Am I happy with myself? Mostly. But there are things I still have to learn to accept about myself. And I know that one of these days there will be a man who will look at me and not see anything that I perceive to be wrong with me, and it will work great. And I can tell you that you can probably look forward to that, too. Not all girls are looking for a man to protect them. Plenty of them, just like me, are strong-willed and independent and are looking more for a person who they can relate to an an intellectual and emotional leven and who will provide support for them there. Weakness shouldn't be an issue.
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Ricardo2057
Posted Monday, November 14, 2005 1:59 AM


 

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:55 PM
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Thanks Stephanie, that really helps with how i feel and i suppose that you are right, we are still young and my weakness should not be a problem (its not the fact that i'm weak, its just that im so limted my strength doesnt matter if what i do causes great pain)but I suppose if they can't except us then its their loss right? =) Thanks for the motivation booster Stephanie!
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Crip63
Posted Thursday, November 17, 2005 5:57 AM


 

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:52 PM
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Ricardo and others: Don't give up! What you said about strong vs weak and protection issues is very understandable. I don't neccesarily want to be with a guy who is willing to get physical with someone is they are hassling me, but to stick up for me verbally and emotionally would mean more to me. I am 42 and have had 3 serious relationships. The longest was my marriage to my daughters dad and he NEVER stuck up for me to anyone, especially his mom and dad. Physical strength is easy to get... go to the gym, eat extremely healthy and there you go; but to have incredible strength mentally, emotionally and spiritually takes considerable more effort than a gym membership. You are young and this will happen. You will have to work at it, but anything worth having is worth working your tail off. I would be happy to have someone treat me with kindness and respect and to "protect" my rights not only as someone with a disability but also as a woman. Not really politically correct, but I am somewhat old fashioned. Keep your chin up and be patient...you still are young. God bless!

Cindy
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Danielle K
Posted Tuesday, June 06, 2006 10:22 AM


 

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 1:03 PM
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Ricardo, I don't know what it's like in your high school, but where I'm from it doesn't matter if you're strong or not. And if a girl doesn't realize that then she might not be worth your time anyway. I know it sounds Hallmark cardish and all, but don't worry about what they think about your condition. If you don't make a big deal out of it they won't either. Easier said then done, right? I know. I'm 16 and just got diagnosed with RA in September. It's been about 10 months and there are still weeks that I feel like things will always be this bad (I haven't found a med that works yet). It has to get better eventually right? For both of us. If you ever need to talk, about RA, about anything, about someone who at least knows what it's like to be a teenager today living with a "weak" disease, just drop me a line. E-mail is dkscholbrock@yahoo.com
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Jane10
Posted Thursday, November 16, 2006 11:31 AM


 

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Don't get discourage Ricardo, I felt the same way when I was 16, but I learned to be happy with myself first. I don't think many girls want guys that are strong. I have had JRA since I was 3 and I am now 43 with 2 boys who I love dearly. I did not let the arthritis take my life away. I know sometimes it is painful, but believe me it will get better and you can meet someone who will understand you. Good luck and I am here if you need to chat.
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azulamerica
Posted Tuesday, March 20, 2007 10:02 PM


 

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 1:13 PM
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Hello Ricardo,
I can relate so much to your story and probably other people here too (though I am not a guy). I am 30 now but I was diagnosed with RA when I was about to turn 24. From there on my arthritis took a turn for the worse and also because I allowed it too.
My arthritis is more severe in my right knee and I limp when I walk. At the beginning i was extremely embarassed to have my family and friends see me like this and I did not want to go out. I just wanted to stay home and hide from everyone.
Yet, know I "go out" and I love to dance in front of the people I once wanted to hide from. I'm still building my confidence because it has been hard for me to accept this disease and the limitations it caused.
Yet, I wanted you to know that it gets better and I did not give up. I continued and I am now a teacher and am about to graduate with my Masters in education.
Life is not perfect but it does get better especially if you do not dwell on the negative but see this as a life experience.
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jennbradley03
Posted Sunday, November 09, 2008 12:09 AM


 

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Last Login: Wednesday, April 22, 2009 4:45 PM
Posts: 20, Visits: 26
i feel the same way as above.. its hard to find someone who understands if you just wana stay at home for a night cause you dont feel like going out .. and to understand all the stuff we go thru ..i have had since 18 and i am know 26 i have had some bf, but its like they never get it.. they always get mad.. and it is something that i cant control.. and my mom use to get mad at me cause i would over do myself and be suffering for many days.. so i can understand many of these stories.. it just always feels like no one is ever going to get it .. and espically in the stupid little town i live in , in california..

jenn

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Keli in Florida
Posted Thursday, July 16, 2009 1:07 AM


 

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Last Login: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 3:06 AM
Posts: 480, Visits: 234
You guys just have to be strong I know how easy it is to say the right person will eventually come along.  I have psoriatic arthritis, i'm now 30, iv'e been pretty lucky to have a lot of understanding friends and boyfriends. My current boyfriend also has arthritis so we are very understanding when we are not feeling well. Just keep looking guys!
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Scott Nichols
Posted Thursday, July 16, 2009 3:14 PM


 

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Last Login: Thursday, July 16, 2009 3:04 PM
Posts: 7, Visits: 8
Hey Ricardo,

Maybe you and I need to move in the hall where Stephante lives. Sounds like theres a whole lot of girls there?? As far as you finding someone you will. Maybe not today or next week but you will. I have PA and have had it since I was 25, now 38 I have it all under controll with the help of meds. When you do find someone they will like you for whats inside not what you can and cant do. I have never had any problems with dating due to my illness. You will learn to live with what you have and when you do find that someone to start dating you might just find that you feel somewhat better at times. Good luck to you and to you to Stephante, both of you sound like great people!! you two keep in touch..

Scott

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KnockoutKatie
Posted Sunday, July 26, 2009 8:46 PM


 

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Last Login: Friday, September 11, 2009 9:28 PM
Posts: 72, Visits: 242
I'm sorry Ricardo. I'm 16 and I can sympathize with you.

Lead with who are and not with your disease. If the girls at your high school, are anything like the girls in mine all they want is to be loved and fawned over. It's weird being in high school with RA. I've had a few comments regarding my 'weird' fingers, and I always seem to feel more self conscious.

Just try to be who you are, and don't worry about your RA.

Hang in there, it's not like you have a choice. lol

Message me, if you want to talk.

-Katie
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Elaine Mazuca
Posted Thursday, October 22, 2009 11:08 PM


 

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Last Login: Thursday, October 22, 2009 11:08 PM
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I am new to this form, I have had RA for 25 years, I was 17 and in high school when I was diagnosed. I missed a lot of school trying to get the RA under control. I know how difficult it can be, but you need to be yourself and let people see who you are and not let this disease control you. I'm sure you have great qualities that someone will appreciate! You are very fortunate to have this forum to talk to others that have this disease we are all here to support one another.
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