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Michelle in WI

Posted Monday, January 28, 2008 2:46 PM

Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:33 PM
Posts: 159, Visits: 0

Ok, so I am posting this because I am absolutely frustrated. I am disappointed and sad. I am 34 never been married and I don't have any kids although I am a proud auntie!

Anyways, I've been dating for years-but when the guys see me in pain or see what I have to go through-they run faster then you could imagine. Recently I decided to be honest when dating verses waiting 3-6 months establishing feelings only to tell them that I am sick. Now that I am being honest-I can't even get a second date! The calls stop, the emails stop, EVERYTHING stops. I am so hurt/crushed by this!!! How can they be so cruel?!?!? People tell me I am just finding the wrong guys and that they are not worth it (which I agree) HOWEVER, seriously-I feel like I am plauged to be alone. I suffer with RA and have for 32 years (I was diagnosed when I was 2) but I want someone who will love all of me-deformaties, hip replacements all of it! I work full-time, I bought my own home on my own, I am attractive and I fight this disease with all that I am! In all honestly you wouldn't even be able to tell that I had this disease by looking at me! Why can't they see what I can do verses anything else? I am so disgusted right now I want to curl up into a ball and cry. It's not fair.

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lorimomof4

Posted Tuesday, January 29, 2008 12:46 PM

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Last Login: Saturday, February 27, 2010 4:44 PM
Posts: 29, Visits: 25

MIchelle, If these guys can't deal w/ the RA, and run then they are not worth you giving them your time. I know it is difficult and people are not loving. I would suggest filling your time alone with friends and or family when you are feeling depress. Let them love you for who you are! In any relationship, it is always better to have the other person add to who you are, not have them take away. There is a special man somewhere waiting for you to meet. In the meantime, take extra special care of yourself!

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RAgal

Posted Tuesday, January 29, 2008 3:22 PM

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Last Login: Monday, March 16, 2009 12:55 PM
Posts: 101, Visits: 1

Michelle, I would suggest volunteering. Nothing helps you feel more fulfilled than when you're giving of yourself! I volunteer at an organization that works with mentally challenged adults. I have a one to one friendship with a gal. We have been paired since 2000. We have a lot of fun!

I know a little how you feel. I am 40 and was disgnosed w/JRA when I was 12. I had never had a boyfriend and all my friends were married and even kids that I used to teach in Sunday school were getting married. I wondered when it was my time! I never even dated, so I don't know if I am more fortunate or you! At least I didn't get hurt, so I guess I am the more fortunate one. I'm sorry for your emotional pain!

I do have a man now! He is wonderful!! We have been together for 9 months. We were friends first. He's my neighbor. We would talk and he would watch movies with me and my family or my mom and I would go over to his place, so that helped being friends first. He got to know me with no pressure. It was easier telling him about my surgeries, too, being that I wasn't interested in him at the time.
He see me with my scars, etc. but he looks beyond that and really sees me for me! And loves me for me!

I hope this helps! Be patient! I know it's not easy! I waited until I was almost 40 until I found someone!

I hope you do invest your time in others that need you, volunteer! It's very rewarding!

Take care! Hang in there!

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Michelle in WI

Posted Tuesday, January 29, 2008 10:05 PM

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:33 PM
Posts: 159, Visits: 0

Thanks for the advice. RAgal I do volunteer and I have a down syndrome brother and a brain damaged cousin so I know first hand how cruel life can be-thanks for the suggestion. I'm just overly frustrated because my life is stagnant while everyone else my age is married, getting engaged or having children. I don't have nothing to look forward to beside my mortgage and the love of my cat...lol. I'm sad-really really sad that people care more about the 'athletic' body verses someone who has brains and beauty. I don't want to be alone and most of all I don't want to be crippled. I'll take it day by day and hopefully some day somewhere a man will love me for me.
xooox

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SnowWhite

Posted Wednesday, February 13, 2008 11:58 AM

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 1:13 PM
Posts: 4, Visits: 0

Hi Michelle,

I've been diagosed with AS arthritis from past seven years and I'm 31 right now. I share your pain and totally understand what you're going through. I feel the same often. Just take one day at a time and hope for the best. You are an amazing person who is fighting with her life with courage successfully. It gave me so much strength. Though it's been only 2 years or so that it's getting bad for me, I feel very depressed often as I can remember how much energy I had 2 years ago. You're an inspiration to me. Just think you're not alone out there.

Take care.

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Keli in Florida

Posted Thursday, February 21, 2008 8:21 PM

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Last Login: Monday, February 22, 2010 8:07 AM
Posts: 490, Visits: 242

Hi Michelle,
Sorry to hear about all the dating crap your dealing with. I swear there are stil men out there that don't care about the disease. I've been dating for years as well and recently about 3 weeks ago began dating someone who doesn't care about looks or diseases believe me I have plenty of them. lol! I think when it's the right guy he truly will not care about anything but being by your side. I hope your luck changes soon!

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Girlaz

Posted Sunday, April 06, 2008 8:36 PM

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:27 PM
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I totally know how you feel. I'm 31 and I can't seem to find someone who will love me for me. Like you, I have my mortgage and well, the love of my dog. I'm at the point now that at least I know I'm a good person and that I love myself. I have good set of friends and a great Family. So I'm ok for now being alone. I hope someday to have someone again but for now I'd rather be alone than get hurt AGAIN.

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4everMoore

Posted Saturday, April 12, 2008 9:44 PM

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Last Login: Thursday, July 31, 2008 12:53 PM
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When you least expect it Love will come to you!! Believe me it's true. About three and a half years ago I did just that -- I had not been diagnosed with RA yet. I will try to make this story short, but I want you and others to hear my story and maybe it will help. I was in a very abusive relationship for 15 years. The only thing that made it worth it was my son. I was a very active person and did every thing at home (not by choice, my ex was a lazy control freak and I was basically his slave) My fob was also very physical. I finally got the courage to leave him and start a new life with my son. It was great, I was finally in total control of my life and hapiness. I was having the time of my life. But I could not find that someone special even though I dated quite a bit (the last one wound up being a stalker) After that last one I had resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life. Around this time I got hurt at work, I had hurt my shoulder and I just hurt all over in general. Well one night my friend dragged me out and to make a long story short I met the man of my dreams that nite --- He asked me to dance and that was it!!! Right after we started dating I had to have rotator cuff surgery on my right shoulder and carple tunnel on both wrists!! This man took me to the hospital and took care of me the whole time -- we had only been dating for 2 months. He actually proposed after only 5 months. I was so excited!! My life could not have been any better. Except that I was still in pain after my surgeries. What a hassel, I was trying to plan my dream wedding. So I returned to my Dr.s ( I thought I was just retaining water!!!) He sent me to a Ra Dr and you know the rest. I was scared and did not know what my life would be like. I even told my now husband that I would be hurt but would totaly understand if he did not want to go thru with the marriage.....and this is what he said"I'm not going anywhere, if I have to, I will push you around in a wheelchair for the rest of our lives" He is truley my angel.Today we have been married a little over 2 years, I have had RA for a little over 2yrs. This man takes such good care of me , when I was on Enbrel he gave me my shots,he does the laundry, the cleaning, anything I need, he is always there. If I could find a man that was this wonderful, anyone can. I was at the bottom of the well as far as hope for someone to love me the way I deserved, but fate has a way of intervening. So just keep your head up. Love yourself first. I promise it will happen.

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Nikki Mac

Posted Tuesday, September 09, 2008 2:16 AM

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Last Login: Tuesday, September 09, 2008 2:10 AM
Posts: 2, Visits: 1

Michelle is gorgeous...and she is a beautiful woman on the inside, too! Kiss

xoxoxo

Nikki

www.ArthritisAwarenessWear.com

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jennbradley03

Posted Tuesday, October 28, 2008 2:56 PM

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Last Login: Sunday, March 14, 2010 12:14 AM
Posts: 26, Visits: 29

michelle i feel the same way you do.. and im 26yrs old. its like they dont understand if u just want to stay home cause you hurt or if you arent feeling well that day and cant do much... i feel that way.. have alot of frirends that are guys but i live in a stupid little town , and the guys are crap and i dont really get out that much unless friends bday or something.. so i fel the same way. thats why i gpt on here cuz other people know whatwe are going thru and they all can say " you just have to wait and they will come to you" but they cant come if i never get it out... unless find them on computer which i dont know about these days but i keep having people asking me if i am married yet or have children ... im like no i wouldnt be able to hold my child.. cause i have the pain im in and the shoulder issues i have .. im here if you ever wana vent .. believe me .. i know its like is there a sign on my forhead or something... hope everyone has a good halloween if i dont get to talk to u guys before that... i also need to go write a blog cuz i went to dr on the oct 20.. more worse news soo.. ya ,more meds to take..

<3jenn

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