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stubborn
Posted Thursday, February 03, 2005 10:13 PM


 

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I just look at it this way, if they can't deal with it up front then they aren't worth your time! I have tried dating both ways (being up front and waiting a while to tell him). Truthfully, the outcome is the same. If he wants to run, he will. Then there are the ones that try to be understanding, but they end up treating you like you are broken or are going to break. Those aren't much good either. Just keep looking....there is someone out there for each of us. The good ones wouldn't run if you tried to chase them away!
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Maria130
Posted Friday, February 25, 2005 9:25 PM


 

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Dear Lawrence,

I am 30 years old,from the US, but currently living in London. I was diagnosed with JRA when I was 15 months old. I was in remission for over 17 years, but, unfortunately, it flared up late 2003. The disease has affected most of my body, but thankfully, I am able to function and fully take care of myself. I too have signs of the disease, like hand deformities, limited movement and nodules on my thumbs. I had troubles with dating through the years, because of some people's ignorance and superficiality. I entered into a relationship with a man almost 4 years ago who suppressed my fears of loneliness by saying that he loved me and my hands. After three years and problems in his own life, he couldn't cope with the relationship anymore, was insensitive to what I was going through with the flare up, and we broke up last year. It was, and still is, heartbreaking, but through prayer, reflection, and some counselling, I have come to realize that someone out there will love me for me, inside and out. I am a loving and caring person (at least I think I am ) and I don't think that that will go unnoticed or unappreciated by a wonderful man someday.
I know that some days can be very difficult--that the pain in your heart, combined with that in your body is almost too much to bear. The truth is though, that you can bear it and you will. You made the first step by posting your message. Life is beautiful, regardless of this horrible disease. In many ways, it has made us the strong and determined people we are, and I am sure that someday someone will appreciate all the love that you have to share.

Best Wishes,
Maria
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Lindy154
Posted Wednesday, March 02, 2005 9:57 AM


 

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If 20% of Americans have limitations, would it not make sense to seek someone with a similar limitation to the one that each of us has? With our uniqueness, we have compassion for others and an understanding an appreciation for living. Too bad there is not a dating site for people with limitations to meet each other. Perhaps, this would ease the aloneness or sometimes loneliness we feel at times.
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Robert221
Posted Tuesday, March 08, 2005 6:54 PM


 

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Hello,
Anyone, mainly single women from the Boston area?

Robert
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chris182
Posted Tuesday, March 22, 2005 3:15 PM


 

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I am 23 years old and have had RA since i was 16, following the passing of my father. It virtually came out of nowhere,and changed my life completely.Prior to what changed my life for ever....I was a very active teenager....playing sports competitively, as they where a necessary part of my life. Once diagnosed this all changed...I no longer was able to handle hockey....no longer able to tour with my highschool rugby team....life changed...and so did my attitude. I took a different road...it was known to my school that i had fallen ill....but I was embarassed to acknowledge what had actually happened to me... I became a different person...i partied way to much, which ended up being worse for my illness..stuff which i should never have done, seemed necessary for me to do, in order to retain my past identity....even though i was no longer that person..I have lived my life hiding what I am...and it continues to grow harder..today I am 23 years old...and consider myself very healthy...i am heavy into working out....and consider it a necessity in my life....for a person with remission of RA i still find it hard to understand how i am able to do what i do....I am in the gym five dayz a week...lifting as much as my healthy friends...some who are on the juice....just the other day i benched 200....but still i am unhappy....i have suffered deformities in my hands...which i cant stop focusing on...as I continue to strive for physical normality...through sculpting my body in the gym....the arthritis is always there....hindering me mentally....In my relationships...i have never told them about what i have, and to my knowledge they have never noticed....but i dont know if that is true...i have dated all types of women..models...high maintenace girls...but it all seems to be a means to somehow legitimize who i am....which i am slowly starting to loose site of....i live my life without much acknowledgemet of what I have....an active social life,...u can find me out almost every thursday and sat..however...It is starting to kill me that none of my friends really know me....as this is the first time i have ever discussed openly my issues...i hate that i live my life this way....but am unable to change...i hide who i am through a superficial camoflauge...i am heavly into fashion....and am addicted to looking my best....i present myself as an overly confident person...but noone knows i am hiding beneath it all...and i am slowly starting to loose site of what is important...none of my relationships work....with girlz who i at first think are way to good for me....i end up breaking up with cause i am unable to break from my shell...my insecurities become a shield, which makes it hard to let people in...especially women...as I am scared of what they might think of me...am I a bad person for being insecure of what I am?....for hiding it?...I was healthy once.....and was my own person...now i suffer from RA...and seem to be someone else...how do I go about dealing with this has anyone else suffered similarily...trying to hide it...
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Lisa67
Posted Tuesday, April 19, 2005 4:35 PM


 

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I totally understand what everyone is talking about. I am 37 and have had JRA since the age of five. In my 20's, dating was easy and fun because I guess I looked normal. But now, I have such a hard time. I have tried online dating for several years and the moment men hear you have a chronic illness, they are not interested. I too wonder, do I tell them before we meet, after? I met one guy and we really clicked, before I told him he was getting very serious, after he said "I can't date someone with a disease". It is so hurtful, I am a nice person with much love to give. Anyone who wants to email me at kishkalisa@aol.com please do. I need to make some friends who understand my issues. Thanks.
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William82
Posted Wednesday, April 20, 2005 8:50 PM


 

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Lisa,
I understand your issues very well. I am 56. I have had arthritis since I was six but the doctors did not recognize it until I was about 23 or so.

I have basically given-up on dating. I tried some dating sites (eharmony, match.com) and some local services.

I realize that I can not blame just the arthritis as I am also ADDHD. But the arthritis has been very depressing for me socially. I stay active physically, so I meet folks doing things I like. Since not many people are as active as I am, I don't meet many single folks in my age group.

Even though I look about 45, it's not a big help. When you get in my age group, the pool of acceptable women is quite small. My sister, now divorced, says the same thing about available men. IMHO you need to find a partner before you get to middle-age; otherwise, you are out of luck :-(

Yours,
Bill
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Robert76
Posted Friday, April 22, 2005 7:14 PM


 

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Hello all.
I am 33 and single. I have ankylosing spondylitis. My biggest problem is fatigue. I have to use my time wisely to make it through a week of work and get things done around the house. Needless to say this is hard on the social life. I also had a relationship go down the drain because of this.

I think somewhere down the thread someone mentioned a dating site for chronic illness sufferers. I wonder if it would get enough traffic. If so, I would be willing to put something together. I would need some help. For starters what would be a good site name? Let me know what you think.

Shane
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Laura05
Posted Wednesday, June 08, 2005 8:43 AM


 

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Hi,
I'm new to this board. I found this thread and could relate. I'm 41 and single. I was dx with JRA at age 8 which was later changed to Psoriatic Arthritis in my late 20s.

Being single is easy, if you're a regular to pain, your disability shows and your often tired. Frankly, it's not easy meeting single people in your 40s if your healthy.

Sad to learn that I'm in good company.

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JohnC
Posted Wednesday, June 15, 2005 9:51 PM


 

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Hi,
I’ve had arthritis since age 22. I lived a pretty normal life but gradually within the past 15 years things have gotten worse. Sooo, I’ve taken an early retirement from dating…but I’m going thru a period where I could use some friends. I live in New York, and I’m 52 years old (tho I look younger). I’m a political junkie, enjoy sports, movies, reading…and yeah, watch TV. So, if you’d like to email me and tell me about yourself, please do at JohnC21341@aol.com Thanks, and have a fine day.

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lyssa
Posted Sunday, June 19, 2005 2:22 AM


 

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chris182, I totally feel for you. i am 19 and have had arthritis since i was 13. I was so sick during my teenage years that I didn't really do the whole dating thing like normal kids, so now that I am healthier it's like I'm starting from the beginning. I feel like the guys have a right to know, because I still have some symptoms, but most of the time I look and feel okay. But once they find out, they run for the hills! When I don't tell them, I feel like I am lying to them and myself, like I am ashamed of who I am. And the truth is, I guess, that sometimes I am. I'd just like to have one relationship that arthritis doesn't interfere in, or meet someone who is strong enough to handle my issues! It's so hard to find the balance between how much and how little to tell them, and the first time one gets a load of my melon-sized knee, it freaks them out. As a result I don't date often anymore, and I need to know the person pretty well before I even think about it. It sucks that we have to factor in our disease, but that's life. My advice is to be honest about it, if for no other reason than you will feel better about yourself and less like you are living a lie.
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none9
Posted Sunday, June 19, 2005 2:09 PM


 

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Me too. Same issues, same story.

SWM 42 Indianapolis, Indiana. Fatigue is my worst symptom. I have a yahoo profile named cfsguy.
I have recently found the whispers4u.com site, its a dating site for people with health issues. Also the CFIDSandFMsingles yahoo group (for singles with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia) although anyone is welcome.

any females from the midwest?
cfsguy@yahoo.com
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Kimber951
Posted Wednesday, July 06, 2005 4:27 PM


 

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Boy...this is some mess we've gotten into eh folks? Here we are all valuable and loving people who can't find a relationship because others can't deal with our disability and/or pain. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and say the heck with it but I know deep down what I really want is to be loved.

I'm a BBW (big beautiful woman for those who aren't aware of the term). I have several ads on line on sites for admirers of the fuller figure yet I get the same kind of treatment. When I tell my potential dates that I use a cane and soon a scooter they turn and run the other way! I even put in my profiles that I'm disabled and no longer able to work but do you think they actually read what my profile says? I doubt it! *lol*

I have a profile too on Yahoo under socal_kimber. I have looked over sites for disabled singles but i'm not sure which ones are for real. I'll look into the ones mentioned here. I want to wish you all the best of luck in finding your one true love! *hugs*

Kimber
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LynetteLyn
Posted Friday, July 29, 2005 8:34 PM


 

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I am a single woman in my 40's in Arizona whose had JRA since age 6. Here are some of the dating sites I have located for people wiht different challenges.

http://www.icanonline.net/

http://lovebyrd.com/

http://members.ozemail.com.au/~pacetrav/
http://www.hfriends.com/

http://www.disabledunited.com/

http://www.alumnus.addr.com/cgi-bin/ematch38/index38.cgi

http://whispers4u.com/
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KALEN
Posted Friday, August 05, 2005 7:27 PM


 

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Dear Chris182,

Hi, how are you? I noticed that your comment was posted on 3/22/05 and now that's it's 8/2005, I hope that my comment finds you doing well. When I read your comment, I felt as if you were writing my thoughts exactly. I want you to know that you are not alone! I completely understand every aspect of what you're going through because I am going through the same exact things. I'm 19 years old and was diagnosed with JRA 3 years ago. I would love to talk more about this with you. Please write back whenever you get a chance! Thanks so much! I hope all is well. Talk to you soon. Don't worry and don't give up hope because it is all going to be alright :-)
-Kalen
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Janet64
Posted Sunday, August 21, 2005 2:23 PM


 

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Hi Bill
I know where you are coming from, I'm 45 and single and have had RA since I was 17. If you want to talk e-mail me at mistify60@hotmail.com
Take care
Janet
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Loretta
Posted Wednesday, October 05, 2005 12:07 PM


 

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Hello Everyone:
I just found this message board yesterday (10/4/05). I have been trying to find some friends who have to deal with similar problems that I do because of arthritis. I have OA of the spine, sciatic, knees, feet, hands, elbows, showlders, hips, pelvic. These are all the areas where my OA has developed. I just had my left knee totally replaced and am in my 11th week or recovery. I won't do the right one. It's too much extra stress on my over all arthritis. The arthritis specialists has said that there's some RA in there too. YUCK!! My biggest problem is the stiffness and exhaustion. I've been on a cane for over 2 years and have had OA for approximately 10 years now. I'm 61 and I feel like I'm alone in this world dealing with this mess. I also have Scoliosis of the spine. The doctor's say there's nothing more they can do for the arthritis. I know the next step is a wheel chair most of the time. I do walk with my cane but it's agony. I'm hoping to find a support group that I can go to. I'm in Valrico, Florida. If you would like to be a friend you may write me at FlaBlondeChick59@aol.com. Thank you all for taking the time to read my tale. I miss having a honey in my life. Of course I too have been through those date sites and been rejected because I'm not thin or agile. I'm a BBW and crippled to a point. But I trek on. I hope this finds all of you doing better on this day. Hugs, Loretta
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jennbradley03
Posted Tuesday, November 25, 2008 1:20 PM


 

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i guess its just who you are and how u handle everything.. alot of people are ignorant and dont understand and think they know everything.. i am 26 and have ra and fibro and i cant seems to find one person who understands, its always why dont you wana do this or that.. and you explane and they still dont get it.. but if anyone ever wants to talk from cali and i have jennbradley3@att.net or dancinjenn3@aol.com and myspace.. jennifer bradley in ceres, ca

talk to u all soon ,hope everyone has good thanksgiving

<3jenn

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Carla Elliott
Posted Sunday, February 08, 2009 10:13 PM


 

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HI GUYS, MY NAME IS CARLA AND IVE HAD THIS DREDFUL DISEASE SINCE THE AGE OF 7 NOW 44. I WEIGH IN AT A BUCK O 5 SOAK N WET=75LBS ON A GOOD DAY AT 4'11". KNEES WONT BEND AND IM STIFF AS A BOARD. AS A CHILD I WONDERED IF ANYONE WOULD WANT ME WITH THE CRUTCHES, CRYPT KEEPER HANDS, KNOBBY KNEES, CURLY FRY TOES.......... SWYA WHEN THE WIND BLOWS HARD......... BUT LET ME TELL YA. I GOTTA BEATEM OFF WITH A STICK. I HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO IS 22 WITH MY HIGHSCHOOL SWEETHEART AND 2 DATES A MONTH, COULD BE MORE BUT I CUT BACK,LOL. I GO DANCING AND SHUT THE FLOOR DOWN WITH MY MOVES,LOL. I LEARNED THAT MY CONDITION DOES NOT DEFINE ME BUT IS A PART OF ME. I TOO FEEL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW UP FRONT. I TELL AND POST ON MY PAGE THAT ITS SOMETHING WELL ALL GET I JUST GOT AN EARLY START ON THEM. AFTER THAT I TELL ABOUT MY NEEDS ON A ASK ONLY BASIS. THEY ARE INTRIGUED BY MY ZEST FOR LIFE IN MY CONDITION AND AT TIMES GET ANGRY BECAUSE OF MY JOKES. THE POST IS TRUE IF THEY DNT STICK AROUND ITS NOT THE ARTHRITIS ITS JUST THEM OR MAYBE WE PUSH THEM AWAY WITH OUR HAHGUPS, NEVER KNOW. U ARE JUST AS MUCH MAN TODAY AS U WERE B4. EVEN MORE BECAUSE UR SPECIAL. WHAT U INDURE MOST MEN COULD NOT. ALLOW UR PERSONALITY AND SWAGGER TO SHINE AND GET OUT THERE BECAUSE THE MAILMAN DOESNT DELIVER DATES.TRUTHFULLY MY ONLY CONCERN IS WHAT TEDDY TO PURCHASE

COME ON GUYS.......... WE ARE WORRIORS, LET THE WORLD KNOW IT. MAKE LITE OF IT AND THEY WILL BE LESS UPTIGHT. ONLY TELL WHATS NEEDED AT FIRST. IF IT SCARED US N THE BEGINNING THINK ABT THEM HEARING IT. SOME THINK THEY WONT BE GOOD ENOUGH TO HELP US.

JOIN DATING SITE, JUST MAKE A MYSPACE PAGE AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS. PLEASE.... DNT MAKE UR ENTIRE PROFILE ABT UR CONDITION, IT IS NOT ALL............ OF WHO U ARE

LOVE YA,

CARLA

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Robbie Jusola
Posted Sunday, March 22, 2009 4:27 AM


 

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  Being a 48 year old single mother is enough to put most men off immediately but adding RA to the mix and I  am pretty much a pariah as far as the dating scene goes so I just console myself with the knowledge that these people are missing out on the adventure that is me and too bad for them.  I continue to go and do when I feel up to it and stay home when I am not.  I travel with my family and friends and I do not let waiting for someone to date slow me down.  I hope this little pep talk cheered someone else up

 Having said all that my biggest problem with dating is planning ahead I would love to say sure lets go out next friday night but frequently when Friday comes I am out flat with a flare, fatigue or an infection.  I hate to put anyone else through that and I always seem to find guys who don't like spur of the moment planning but until I find a med that will get my RA under control spur of the moment is the best I can do.     Funny part about normies spurning those of us with arthritis is I have found the people on these boards to have a deeper understanding of life and more zest for it than any of the non arthritis people I know they just wander around oblivious to their good fortune.  I guess they just don't know what they are missing by spurning those of us with arthritis. 

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