Ahhh, heres a hug. Sorry you are suffering. With all those meds, you should not feel so fatigued and weak. See your doctor, you need a change. Maybe the mix isn;t right.

You must make an effort to make your husband happy. Yes, "in sickness and health" but he is probably not feeling well-no attention, and we (or at least me) tend to whine a lot. I plan ahead for sex-pain meds, hot shower and extra pillows help. He needs your love, so please make the effort. The weight is hard, I fluxiate when on pred and have three sizes of clothes. Swimming helps, it also gives you energy.

Anna

I definitely know what you're talking about. I was married for less than a year when I was diagnosed with RA. It's hard. There are days when i just don't want to be around anyone...when I just want a bowl of cereal for dinner. Sometimes those days become weeks.

I also feel you on the fact that he doesn't want to "break" you. I feel like my husband is like that also.

I think the trick is communication and tons of love and compassion and understanding. You've got to communicate how you're feeling to him. You've got to tell him the things you can do in bed that won't "break" you.

I think you've also got to get the meds straighted out and get to feeling better so that you can turn some of your focus outward and pay some special attention to your hubby. :)

Nadine.

If adequate communication based on honesty and trust is between you both I guess RA would not be the blocking in your intimate life. Sometimes we women think in more sensitive ways than men. Always there is a solution for everything in life as long as trust and communication is there. I personally cant go for all types and positions in sex but again I do my best to find an alternative position that still satisfies my imagination and my bf’S desire..

Nairy

Hi Cynthia. I have been experiencing marriage problems because of my RA, too. I have only been married for six months and we are on the verge of divorce. I am not sure what I can say to help you, other than to really try to communicate with your husband about how you are feeling and what you can and can't do.

I have struggled with how to communicate my pain because my husband doesn't always believe that it can hurt THAT bad. Since my diagnosis with RA about 5 years ago, I have tried my best to hide my pain and fatigue and I don't like to talk about it. I feel that if I hide it, it means I am being strong. But, that has caused confusion for my husband because I don't complain a lot, but when he touches me, I flinch or whimper in pain, and that upsets him.

Be honest about your pain and communicate in detail about how it feels and what you feel you can do for him and for your marriage.

I think that instead of trying to hide my pain, I should have been more open and honest about it and he would have a better understanding of what I go through everyday.

Also, I have been on prednisone for 5 years and have gained weight and lost weight and gained it back. It's difficult for them to understand how that makes us feel. I am strongly against all of the prescription medicines out there because of all the side effects that they have and it is my goal to get off the prednisone someday soon. I recently went to a naturopathic doctor who gave me an injection called DMSO. This was two days ago and my pain is subsiding significantly. Maybe a natural remedy would help you as well to get off of all those meds that you are on.

Good luck to you and your husband. I hope you can both find a way to be supportive to each other in dealing with this terrible disease.

My marraige is failing too, my husband and I had high sex drives, run a business together and have 4 children. Since I became progessively ill with RA 3 years ago everything has gone downhill. The economy has seen our business falling apart (construction) my children resent their 'ill' mother because i struggle to walk some days and on occasions they have to dress me. My husband finds me unsuportive of his needs in business and emotionally while I am exhausted from pain, lack of sleep and also frustrated from lack of intimacy. Im waiting for yet another 'wonder' drug to add to my long list of trials whihc so far have not worked and enjoy my 4-6 weeks every 3-6 months of steroid injection pain relief! those few weeks I exhaust myself being super wife, mum and business woman with no appreciation from any of my family members, my doctor has signed me off sick now as he feels it is all too much for me. certain extended family members enjoy laughing at me and taking the mick about how some days I can do stuff when others I am limping or struggling to even hold a full cup of tea. I keep telling myself the next drug will work but am losing faith!!

I too am experiencing martial problems since my RA. I think a lot of mine has to be that I resent my husband now for not trying to understand my pain in the beginning, when I couldn't walk, and couldn't lift things, etc. His thing was always, if you're going to hurt no matter what, do it anyways. I hated that. So I pulled away. It has been 2 years since my diagnosis and I am much better with my medication combo. (MTX, Enbrel and Prendisone) I am able to do almost everything as I did before, and complain a lot less. My sex drive has surely diminished over the years though (not to mention having another child); I'm exhausted all the time. By the end of the day all I want to do is relax. But then there is my husband, wanting my attention, my affection and I don't feel like giving it. I too feel unsexy with my weight gain ... but he doesn't care, he says. But what he doesn't understand is that when I as a woman don't feel sexy, my head is saying NO to sex and, my body is going to go along with it. So if and when I do give in to intimacy with him, it's not the most comfortable for me, nor satisfying. I know I have to communicate better with him, but right now I'm not sure I am ready. I feel I need to get myself in order, mentally and emotionally, before I can concentrate on us again. If I don't have me ready, how can I be of any support to him? Good Luck... know you are not alone.

Thanks for all of the comments. My wife of almost 3 yrs just had a flareup for the first time since she came down with JRA about 13 years ago. She didn't walk for a year then and it crippled her right hand. So she is scared to death of what lies ahead. We got her prescription filled yesterday for predisone and she starts it tomorrow and of course she is scared of the side effects of that too.

Any advice on helping me my wife through this is appreciated. She has kind of backed away from me this week. Real quiet and non-communicative. I want so to be there for her.. Please help me by praying for patience. I hate to whine about my needs...right now my biggest need is for her to let me help her.

No doubt about it, RA is hard and marriage isn't easy either. I've been married for 30 years and was diagnosed with RA 2 years ago. I've done the gamit of drugs, DMARD's, Humira, Enbrel, Prednisone, etc. I'm doing fairly well, still have flares, but I push through it. My husband fluctuates between being the most understanding person in the world and then I get the look, the one that says maybe I'm not really hurting as much as I say I am, maybe it's a little too convenient and I just don't want to do whatever it is I'm saying I can't do. He denies that he feels that way, but I can see it in his eyes sometimes. He doesn't know what RA is like, never knowing when or how it will hit next. Not being able to use a hand one day, a foot two days later, maybe an elbow or a wrist. I try to be strong, I do what I need to do and then some, just do it even though it hurts. But before we feel too bad about what we are putting them through, reverse the scenario, how would you be if it was him who had RA or something even worse. What would you do for him? I would expect to stand by my husband in sickness and in health, just like I promised. All of us need to cut ourselves a little slack sometimes, we hurt and sometimes you just can't be pollyanna - just my opinion.